Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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