Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
