My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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