wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
