I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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