wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
