if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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