I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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