Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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