is your mom at the bar?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
