I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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