She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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