Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
