I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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