Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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