dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
