I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just high enough for therapy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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