Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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