We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
