ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
