That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
