what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
