it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
