u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
