hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she woke up with a sticky ear
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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