somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
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Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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