How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
