hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
