My brain says no but my pants say off.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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