Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
