why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
