Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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