Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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