i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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