i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
