Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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