my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
