Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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