Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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