I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
