We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize