Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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