There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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