Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
