its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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