1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
