I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
