Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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