you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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