so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
