... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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