i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
