i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
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Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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