When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
