Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
