then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
cat food counts as protein by the way
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
