Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
