i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
