i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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