it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You smell like stripper and shame
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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