You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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