Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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