I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You ate ashes out of my bong
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
